ReaLLy LoSt

im really lost at the moment..im stuck between many things. i've always trusted my intuition when i do anything..my feelings is already telling me the answer..i know also..but then..sumtimes cant control myself from "langgar papan"..is this call "fan jin"? seriously quite down now..been down for at least 2 weeks d..wanna find a person i can talk to ezily also hard..dowan talk nvm..at least go out walk walk maybe can feel better but i dun even know where i wanna go..whenever got the chance to go genting sure something will happen to me..my only chance to sit at a cold place emo alone also gone..he wun know wat or how i think,coz he dun care anymore..and i've got no place 2 emo coz hse kenot dota..i quit cabal already..no game = no place to release emo. everyday stone in front of the pc..look at my hp..scroll phone book up and down..read my sms..for wat? really damn ntg to do..not to say i got ntg do actually but there isn't anything that i really want to do..wanted to go redang but clash with "ghost festival",wanna go travel alone but dun haf the courage..wanna retain my frenship wif some1..but wat is gone is gone i guess..we will never be fren anymore..acquaintance perhaps..but not frens anymore...u wun ever read this blog but still..wanna say bye and all the best to you..take care...我不会再想你了 =)

Juz aNotheR Day..

well 2day is my 21st birthday..21 yrs old d..no longer a kid >.< not really that happy..1st time bday no cake T_T 21st bday supposed to be grand but for me is juz a yamcha session wif frens haha..i dun really mind coz i didnt even plan anything for my bday,that's wat i do every year anyway haha..but somehow..this year really dun haf the happy feeling at all..not much ppl remember my bday (as usual, i dun mind though coz i nvr go hebohkan to every about my bday haha..but kinda sad..some ppl i am close to dun know it's my bday too..im not gonna tell them though..this proves how "fren" we are ^^ well it's ok..i can celebrate myself,make myself happy and treat myself good =D (although i always treat myself good anyway lol!) thanx to those who remembered my bday,those who wished me..i will cont emo XD

What Do I Want?

After leaving my blog so long im writing in it again haha..i notice my blog quite empty =/ wat to do..no camera/camera phone is like that 1 la..anyway..it's sunday evening..im stoning at home with ntg 2 do but emo on my stupid line. the ppl from the company promised to fix my prob soon..well the soon,is quite soon..1 mth and still the same..they duno that internet is very important for a gamer..thanx to them my lil wiz is stuck at lvl135,craft lvl still lvl3,items kenot sell..and they cant even gif me a reason y is the line so slow suddenly..how can i not be pissed off? called them so many times..even went to their HQ,only know how 2 tell me "Please be patient,I will forward your case to the technical side. thank you." thanx ur ass! i pay money not juz to msn at home ok? no o2jam,no cabal,no dota..wat game also dun haf. gaming was the only life i had..no more games wat other life do i haf?? thanx to them im at home stoning everyday when i dun need to do assignments..juz sleep and hope my line will be better when i on my pc..

while stoning..suddenly think of a person lol. this person i met him in work last time..i work there for 2 weekends..since i saw him wanted to know him but i dun dare lol..then somehow we talked also la..so i know his name only lol. on my last day i wanted to ask him for his contact,but once again i dun dare lol..from the time i start working until end,i didnt ask..then on my way home to my fren's hse i keep regretting haha..i regretted for almost 5 mths until nov i think. i happened to be in 1u (that's where he work),then i saw my fren working there lol. i told her my story and she say she help me haha..so she created chance for us to meet..then dump me as usual haha..he remember me. was happy. but the thing is..after i got his number,it's like i dun care about this guy anymore lol! i didnt think about the incident anymore,i didnt even sms him =.=" it's like i want to get his number juz for the sake of getting it lol. so that makes me wonder..wat do i want actually ya? i tot i like him that's y regret haha! but it doesnt seem to be this way =/

a bit sad too..it's like i cant give up my past..i always tend to mix around wif ppl i know last time,talk to ppl i know last time,cant 4get things that happened b4 last time. everything is last time. i will miss ppl i know last time and keep comparing those things in my past wif now. i know we shouldnt look backward but that's wat im doing =.=" haihz..

Moody!!!

freaking moody now..sien..i duno wat happened either..im not really following my classes..most of the time in class half there half not..then sometimes some class really damn noisy..make ppl a bit pissed off..they think it's funny but at times it gets annoying..then basketball..i juz wanna play for fun,i've never think of playing it serious..i dun care if im a noob or wat,it's juz something i do for leisure not as profession..i dowan to train! i dowan to join any team or watsoever! dun force me pls..i say dowan means dowan. then..the next thing..i hope u guys will know..yes frens and frens should treat each other good but shouldnt there be a limit as we r juz frens? dun treat me too good pls..i cant stand it..makes me feel very uncomfortable..i dowan to be treated special or wat,im juz an ordinary person,ur ordinary fren..if u want me as fren..u know wat to do..im sorry but seriously..i cant stand it..it makes me feel like im owing u coz u do so much stuff 4 me..i dun like to owe ppl especially favors..i wanna treat u as fren too but u do like this i very hard to pretend ntg happen =.=" haih..and i really hope can be alone..i juz dun feel like sticking to ppl..haihz duno la!!!!

Thinking too much again..

well once again the creative mind of mine start thinking stupid things again..feeling moody..haih..duno want how 2 say..and i duno can find who..i really duno..i juz know,i think back of a lot of stuff again..and suddenly im moody..2day i feel like contacting ppl i've neglected for some time..i sms them..all of them replied as if it's so damn weird that they receive an sms from me..zzz..all reply by asking y u sms me? izit that strange that im keeping in touch wif an old fren? then juz now play truth or dare with my old frens at fren's hse..suddenly something which i didnt think of for quite some time surface again..actually i've always feel that something is wrong lol..it's been really quite some time since i really like a guy =.=" it's not that im desperate or wat..and it's not that im not enjoying my life now..but somehow..i feel kind of weird..how can i not haf feelings for any1? =.=" i duno ler..watever la..post for fun..k la..the end.